Its that month of the year in which days become short, and nights become long. Mornings are mellowed by the weak sun's rays that lack warmth and evenings are chilled by cold winds.
But its also that time of the year where you get to spend a lot more time with yourself, as outings with friends and late hours are rarely an option in the cold winter evenings. Well, as i stayed at home sitting in my warm blanket , drowsy with loads of pending academic work and semester preparation, i had failed to decide what to do and how to plan my preparation. Still confused, i went in my garden to take my mind off the load of tons of preparation i still have to do. Well, living in the city beautiful has an advantage for the very reason that you have ample space allocated to housing. Well owing to that, i walked into the spacious, very perfectly maintained ,gardened lawn in my backyard.
All these years , i had rarely visited my garden and sat there for a while enjoying the winters sun peeping through the leaves of the Gulmohar tree which is still standing tall. Nevertheless , i pulled out the old garden cane chair and had my place among the beautiful crotons , dahlia and the beautiful roses which appeared to have blossomed magnificently in the winters prime. As i sat in the chair, i could feel the chill in the air. It was around 5 in the evening and the sun was already going down. It was very quiet and peaceful and i could hear the birds chirping in their nest, they had made amidst the branches of the tree which was their perfect utopia. Random thoughts ran across my mind, completely engaging me with the nature. I was left in the bewilderment of why i had never been to my garden before. Nothing much could i have justified myself with but the excuse that i always give,, " I have been kept busy with my engagements".
To be honest, my excuse is not all that lame, as i have been really busy in college with loads of activities which only recently i had acquitted myself of.
As i was discerning the reasons of my negligence, something had dawned on me. I realized that i had always taken my family for granted like the very garden which i had neglected all these years. And the very reason i had done so was for the knowledge that i could always come back. My family was completely oblivious of the plethora of things that i was involved in and even i rarely cared to inform them where i was or what i was doing. I dont know when i had become so aloof in my life that i forgot the fact the there is someone back home waiting. I have been blessed with the kind of experiences i have gone through all these years, but all have come at some price. The price has been the distance which has been growing with time.
My thought broke as i saw a squirrel run down the tree to the pot where my mother had put some feed for them. And she used to do this daily. I wondered how many such moments i might have missed. My friends in hostel used to say that they missed their home sometimes. I had deprived myself of all these moments of home inspite of staying at home. Well, the reason is that we dont realize the importance of something or someone untill we miss it or untill it is not with us. I had never realized the importance of my family because i always considered them to be with me.
I always considerd them to understand and they always did. Their faith has been perfect, unraffled , undisturbed and unparalled in me. I felt guilty and disappointed in myself for the numerous things i might have done in this period to let them down which they werent even aware of. So many wrong decisions, so many mistakes, so many fall outs that i had done in this period, yet they had faith in me. They never questioned me which made me feel guilty of taking advantage of their trust.
Lost in my thought, it was almost dusk and an hour had passed. The sun was setting and it was getting dark. I chose to sit till the dark enjoying the moments i had missed for long, with my garden that i had neglected for so long. As i sat there for few moments more till the stars appeared in this cold winter night sky, i was left with the question. A question to which only i was the answer, and the question was that how many more such moments would i let go. And with this question i walked in to the house with just the heartfelt gratitude towards my family for their perfect faith.
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